I have an announcement dear reader. I have an announcement…

Ahem.

*has a glass of water*

*realises that this is an article and not a bloody speech*

I have a job. I have a job. AN. ACTUAL. JOB.

No more internships. No more work experiences. No more going to Tescos and glumly realising that you can only afford the sandwiches ‘on the bottom row’ or the 99p Pret A Manger white filter coffee. No more cover letters. No more researching potential employers. No more mornings slightly tweaking CVs one way or another. No more realisations that you spelt journalism “journalissism” or something on your CV for something like eight months, potentially ruining every single opportunity that you’ve applied for until now. No more applications for jobs that say that only successful candidates will be contacted even though it took you more than six hours to fill in the application in the first place. No more six page online application forms. No more Dear Sir / Madam. No more googling ‘yours sincerely’ or ‘yours faithfully’ to remember whether you are supposed to end your cover letter with ‘yours sincerely’ or ‘yours faithfully’ when you are writing to a Dear Sir / Madam. No more ‘follow up emails’. No more feedback requests.  No more not hearing back from a potential employer so you get angry. No more not hearing back from a potential employer so you cry. No more hearing back from an employer saying that you actually have not got the job, leading you to be confused because you didn’t exactly know what job you had applied to in the first place. No more generic emails saying that we had “SUCH an amazing response to this position but blah blah blah…”. No more emails from career specialist websites telling you that the only vacancies are in recruitment. No more phone calls from recruitment specialists informing you that the only vacancies are in recruitment. No more conversations with concerned parents who keep asking why you aren’t going anywhere. No more bluffing with your mates about how you are “freelancing” or are between things at work at the moment. No more career experts telling you that you need to do more things on your CV than just the past seven years of work that you’ve been doing already since school. And no ‘one of a kind’ unemployment situations, such as receiving a letter addressed to your name, followed by your address… which you then open before realising that the letter is a rejection with somebody else’s job at the top, leading you to wonder whether someone called Neil in Norfolk has actually got your job.

Now I don’t mean to write all this as a way for you to get jealous. No trust me. I’m not trying to do that at all. I had no expectation that I would be having a job any time before Christmas, any time before next summer in fact. I have been a victim of this horrible fun-employment internship cycle for approximately three years now, flicking between staying in London and with my parents to make ends meet, doing endless internships followed by ‘the conversation’ with my parents about what my back-up plans were. It started to mess with my mind. Two weeks ago in some sort of weird state of mind I decided to ring one of my best mates and tell her, with complete optimism, that I was ditching everything in the UK and was contemplating a new life in Canada… even though I hadn’t done any research, even though I didn’t have any clue whether there were any jobs there and even though I had absolutely no money to do so. In fact I think I just saw an advert for having a holiday in Canada whilst I was demoralised, passed out on the sofa between episodes of Judge Judy, and got excited.

That’s what this internship and unemployment cycle does for you. It messes with your mind. Every moment that you think you’ve got a chance of escaping from it (as in you get a sense of optimism from an email or a good feeling from what you are doing) you get knocked down… the lack of response cycle doom and gloom… it drags you from your ankles and pulls you back into it again.

But then one day, and trust me with this, you’ll get a phone call, from something that you applied for 3745756 years ago, and ‘click’ interview ‘click’, job offer ‘click’, you tell everyone you know and you’re out of it. You panic that you have absolutely no formal clothing to wear on your first day and that’s it, you’re on your way.

So this new blog will be documenting my first few weeks in my proper new job, to show what the whole adjustment process is like, how it compares to all internships that I’ve had in the past and most importantly, how to not do any of the mistakes that I’m bound to do in the next few months or so. So welcome reader welcome. Feel right at home.

Unless you’re that Neil from Norfolk. DIE NEIL DIE.